I’ve been thinking a lot lately about reality. Especially when it comes to how we see ourselves & our self esteem. Recently I watched a series of Ted talks on memory & perception and I thought about how this plays in to how we and others perceive our flaws and attributes.
One idea put forward in these talks is that all we could see in clarity & real time is about the size of our thumbnail at arms length, the rest is just a composite of what we remember was there. This is not the first time I had heard this but in the past I had always related it to how we perceive situations or events not about how we see ourselves.
So if our reality is really just our minds composition of tiny little thumbnail images the things we choose to put focus on could change the whole picture, the whole equation could change.
I was talking to my almost 70 year old mum on the phone about this. She, a life long sufferer of poor body image looked in the mirror recently & noticed that she thought (for pretty much the first time) she looked pretty good for someone her age!
She said she felt the difference was that she cared less about how she looked now & that she had the awareness that she had focused on what was good about how she looked not all those little perceived flaws she had always honed in on all her life.
So the equation looked more like- friendly smile + caring hazel eyes + shiny hair + delicate long fingers + soft accommodating face + Long legs + nice outfit = bit of a babe for a 70 year old!
You see in these Ted talks they explained that leading questions, misinformation or suggestive info can change what we believe to be the accurate truth or reality. When I thought about this I compare this to someone who exists with confidence, walking tall (or short), speaking positively about themselves & their life. These people appear more attractive, confidence frames & magnifies their positive attributes.
My sister once told me that her partner had never noticed that she had cellulite until she pointed it out to him. For her it was reality, one of the thumbnail images she was uploading to her self image equation file. As someone who loved & adored her it was her husbands agenda to upload all the thumbnails of the things about her that he loved to his equation of reality, which was a much different picture to hers.
Check out this You tube video if you haven’t already! listen how people describe themselves, how others see them & the different images that are created: Real Beauty Sketches
I have decided I’m not waiting until I am almost 70 to finally feel good about myself I’m putting in place two challenges to myself to help chip away & make my thumbnail reality composition one I can be proud of, framing my attributes with confidence!
Number 1. Catch myself collecting data for a negative thumbnail images, stop and add 3 new positive ones in replacement! It’s not going to be easy that’s why I’m calling it a challenge! Lets create a new pattern!
Number 2. Catch myself & avoid telling, whinging, excusing, talking about or showing my disapproval for my physical and emotional attributes to other people! This is where I will need to enlist others, bff’s, bf’s, mums, siblings and partners. I no longer want to do this and you have permission to stop me if your falling down on this challenge! I hope this might help you too, we can all get in on the pity party together sometimes ” I’m such a fatty” “oh me too!”. Let’s stop this!
Also I don’t want negative self talk or judgement about myself or others in front of the little people in my life! I want the next generation to grow up with a positive image of me & be a positive self image example.
I create my reality and I am going to use my conscious effort to make a positive equation of myself! Join me if you dare!